Last Day of High School

So sometime after going back to sleep after my previous nightmare. Apparently my mind thought I wasn’t tormented enough and decided to toy around with my ptsd like mentality when it comes to my old school life and my regrets for missing out experiencing love.

It was the last day of high school and I was a 12th grade student once again. This high school isn’t like the one I went to in my personal life but it’s a lot more sophisticated dare I say. If anything, it feels like the same high school that I was in from my dream where I was being chased by school cops. There are multiple stories this time around and it seems like this school was built near the side of some mountain. Normally, school ends around 4:00 pm though it seems like the sun was already setting by the time I left my classroom alongside some other students I did not recognize. Just as with my last day of high school. Everyone was saying their goodbyes and all that stuff. All I did was retrieve my Alto Saxophone from the band hall which was different from the one I was familiar with in my own reality. Even with all of the chaos of students moving around and talking, I still felt very much alone in all this. To avoid all the student traffic in the hallways, I took a door outside one of the hallways and walked through the exterior of the school building which consisted of various stairways that would lead up to other levels of this high school. Outside, you can see the parking lot down bellow and there were already a large line of parked cars (more than likely parents) trying to pick up their students or sometimes, the lucky student who happened to get their license early. I wasn’t one of those students. I wasn’t exactly sure were I was going since I wasn’t heading down towards the parking lot. Instead I went up the stairs for exactly how many stories I’ve crossed I did not know for certain. Along the way, all I really did was look out at the horizon of mountains and mazes of roads that lead into the school parking lot. While I made a stop to look out into this vista, somebody grabbed my shoulder and it nearly made me shout in surprise. I turned around and saw someone I didn’t expect to see.

This girl was someone I was mostly familiar with since middle school though she wasn’t someone that was particular close. I did not have a crush on this girl at any point in my school life. But she was well known for being one of the edgiest girls in my school district. Even more so than my high school crush. She was infamous for wearing goth style outfits to school, drawing swastikas on her arm, telling stories about how she would put her cat in the freezer, and make jokes about school shootings and such. The one time I’d actually talked to her in real life was when she asked me if I knew about this particular band which I knew nothing about and I replied accordingly so with a simple no. Her only response was that I was cool or something. Nothing really developed from that conversation and she went on to do her own thing for the rest of my school life. From what I heard, she actually did a complete 180 after high and became some park ranger at another state. She even got married and had kids which goes to show even someone as depraved as her was somehow able to find a good life unlike myself. That’s where the reality ends and I must go back to this particular dream.

She asked me what I was doing all by myself. All I can really tell her is “I don’t even know.” For a girl, she was kind of intimidating. Not that she was physically strong or anything but she’s the kind of girl that looks like she would stab you with a knife and play with your corpse kind of way. It doesn’t help that she was a lot bigger than I was. Not fat but kind of like a volleyball player physique. Though I doubt she does anything related to sports. She does wear a lot of dark makeup though it seems today she only had her eye shadow. Her hair was long and black and she wore a red shirt with a black leather jacket and a black skirt. Her legs looked kind of juicy though I’d give her that. Though I was more concerned with what she was going to do with me now that I was now in her sights. I don’t recall other students necessarily getting into any trouble with her though. “Why don’t we go somewhere nice and quiet, away from these worms?” She asked me. “The administrations office is empty today. We can go there and have a talk.” I didn’t want to appear like I wanted to say no for the sake of my own safety but I just nodded and she and I started to walk towards the building that she was talking about. Along the way, she mentioned if I had any regrets about my life in school. I kind of just gave up on being shy and admitted that I didn’t really have any friends. “Friends are hard to come by these days. You’re still cool to me. We don’t need any of them anyways.” She sounded re-assuring though this is the first time I”d actually had a legit conversation with her. She didn’t seem as crazy as she was back in middle school. But I still felt like I didn’t trust her enough. By the time we enter the administrator building, we walk inside and the rooms are completely devoid of faculty. She goes ahead and locks the front door behind us and then tells me to follow her to this room. The room we go to is kind of like a break room with a wall mounted television, a couple of snack machines, a dinning table and a couch for faculty to rest and sleep on (lmao does school faculty actually sleep on the job?). We go inside this room and she locks the door to this room from the inside again. Now we are both completely alone together and doesn’t seem like if something bad were to occur to me, I’d have no means of escaping. I started to feel nervous at first until she broke the silence.

”I’m glad we can spend our last days of high school together alone.” She told me as she sat next to me on the couch. She sat next to me and embrassed me from the side. She was squeezing the life out of me with her grip but it didn’t really feel like she was going to strangle me or anything. It felt like she really meant it. I was already breaking character at this point being in a room with another girl so I gave her an honest question: “What do you feel about me.” She didn’t say anything in response. Instead, she gently pushed me to my back on the sofa and pinned me down between her arms. She was on top of me with her face a foot away from my own face. None of her actions seemed forced either. She was being gentle with me when she pinned me down. All I could do now however is look into her eyes and her face moved in closer and closer until…

Her lips were now upon me and began to move around in such a way I was never familiar with. She too began to ease up and was now laying on top of me. I warpped my arms around her back, not really sure if if this all intentional or not. She moved away from my lips and started kissing and biting around my neck. I was beginning to feel hot inside. Her actions towards me prompted me to do something with my hands so I began to move my hands around her. This is like the second time this sort of dream occurred so I made sure I was making it worth my time without going into too much detail. Suffice to say, she was driving me crazy and I was making her crazy. In a good way though lmao. Why haven’t had I feeling for this girl before. What the hell was my mind up to lately. It’s freaky. At some point we stop messing around and she then asks me if I wanted something to drink. She brought some water from one of the vending machines and gave it to me. She then turned on the TV and we sat down together and watched the news or something out of boredom. It didn’t really matter since we were with each other hanging out and doing stuff….lmao I don’t know! This dream I swear!

Thankfully this dream was over and I was able to come to grasp with reality. Like what on earth was going on with my dreams lately. If it wasn’t making me feel uneasy one moment, it was making me feel like a cactus the next. Do I have to settle with looking for goth girls now? They are essentially an extinct breed at this point. I don’t really see myself as being compatible with goths if I have to be honest. Maybe Visigoths...but goths….eh...gothic architecture is cool I guess?!!