Advice
How to get a GF (From someone who never had one! Ebin!)
Yeah yeah I know what you are thinking. “You’re a fucking incel.” “You’re the last person anyone should be getting advice in regards to how to get a companion, girlfriend, irl waifu or whatever you want to call it.” True. What the hell do I even know? Well for starters, if you ever read through my life story blogs, you’d figure out plenty of times when I had the opportunity to obtain a relationship (not just romantic but also in the friendship sense) only to piss it all away due to “muh anxiety”, “muh insecurity”, and “muh bad social skills”. Little did I know, getting over most of those personal issues isn’t as painful as I made it out to be but boy do I wish I’d fixed myself up earlier. These days, I honestly have no chance of ever getting into a serious relationship with anyone. I am in my late 20s already and the ideal “prime” age for finding a relationship (Late teens early to mid 20s) is already over. I missed it. The least I can do is try to help others who are in a similar situation that I am but are still within this ideal range for getting into a serious relationship. I won’t just take into consideration my own experience (or rather lack of experience) and failures but also the advice and stories that I’ve heard from others who were in a similar social position that I was in. There’s honestly no reason for anyone to pursuit a romance-less life unless you are doing something that is of greater importance to humanity as a whole or just don’t like the idea of romance in general. Personally though, I don’t condone the NEET or Incel lifestyle because it will destroy you in the end. The sooner you get out of this mindset that it’s impossible to find a lover, the better your life will be in the long run. Once again, I’d never gone close to anything that would resemble a romantic relationship so take all this advice with some grain of salt.
One of the most basic and important tasks you have to take care of first before you start going out and socializing is taking care of yourself. Now I know that sounds really redundant to some people but it goes without saying. If you dress like shit, look like shit, act like shit, smell like shit, or live like shit, don’t expect anyone other than flies to be swarming around you. If you are bitching about tfwnogf and you fall under any of those characteristics, you shouldn’t even be talking about relationships to begin with. Fix yourself. Be hygienic, work out or lose weight, improve your posture, get a healthy sleep schedule, eat healthy, clean your room, style yourself in a way that isn’t going to make you stick out like a sore thumb (I made a guide all about basic fashion though I recommend looking at other guides out there). Getting a job to is probably a must too so you can have some extra income to buy some healthy foods and a nice pair of clothes. Not only will making yourself physically and mentally better improve your appearance, it’ll boost your self esteem. I can honestly say that even someone as stubborn as I am will agree on this point. Even if you don’t succeed in the later parts of this guide. I won’t lie though, for some people, this is probably the hardest step in the entire process. It requires a lot of willpower to change your bad habits.
Speaking of bad habits, consider looking into more productive hobbies while you work on improving yourself. Video games aren’t going to get you laid. If you so happen to actually have a group of friends who actually enjoy games (with female members), the females are going to have a long line of orbiters all competing to win over her heart. Unless you have something that puts you above all of her other circle of friends, you’re going to end up becoming one of her many beta orbiters (A classification that I consider to be on par with being a slave). You don’t want to be wasting your time and money over some girl that is going to have a massive pool of guys so just don’t do that shit. The same goes for any hobby that can be consider nerdy. Stuff like table top role playing, computers, programming, anything internet related, and especially anime. I know it’s painful to hear but these hobbies are considered the bottom of the barrel compared to more productive hobbies. What you should be looking into are activities like music, film-making, reading, gardening, cooking, cars, sports, fitness, any kind of outdoor activity in general, dancing, martial arts, painting, crafting, or anything of that sort. Ideally, you want to join a group that is involved with any of those hobbies. In person, and not online! More than likely, depending on the hobby, you may or may not encounter those of the opposite sex. Even if the whole group is a sausage fest, you are still doing something that’s going to make you valuable as a person and therefore, potentially interesting to a prospective mate. The whole point is to develop an interest and hobby that isn’t cringe and might have some benefits outside of socialization. One thing to note is that you don’t have to necessarily have to be good at any of these particular hobbies as long as you find doing them enjoyable. Don’t force yourself into doing something that is going to bore you.
So at this point, you almost have a life. You take care of yourself, probably have a job, and you have a hobby that isn’t gaymen or animeme. I think at this point, you can start focusing on making connections with other human beings. Like I mentioned earlier, joining a local hobby group is one way to get your foot into the social aspect of human life. You’ll be interacting with others who are doing the same thing you are engaging in so that alone is more than enough to create some friendships. Note how I didn’t say relationships yet. That’s right. You have to make some friends first before you can even think about romance or anything of that stuff. As far as talking subjects are concerned, you generally want to keep the topics hobby related at first. Ask questions about how to do X or Y. This doesn’t have to relate to whatever hobby you are engaged in either. Maybe talk about another interest like cars, movies, sports, the weather, or something else you are knowledgeable about. Don’t talk about video games, technology, or anime though. Avoid politics as well if possible. Also, don’t just ask questions all the time either. You’ll come off as really annoying. Say something about yourself from time to time. If you got a funny story from your childhood or maybe you can even be upfront and honest and tell them you are getting your life together and explain how you improved yourself. Of course, you’re not guaranteed to get along with everyone. Some people will think differently than you do. Even in that case, try not to make enemies as best as you can. Don’t act superior or inferior to anyone. Just politely disagree and move on. If you are successful in making friends, you might get the opportunity to be invited somewhere. Perhaps a party or an event. Somewhere where you just might meet that special someone.
Congrats! You made some good friends. Now your social circle and connections have been established. Somewhere in that social web, there’s bound to be someone who you might have some romantic connections to. However, in order to find that significant other, you are going to have to expand your social network. You can do this by participating in your friends’ other activities. Perhaps they want to go watch a game at a bar or something, or maybe they are throwing a birthday party, wedding, or graduation thing. They’ll probably introduce you to some people whom you may never would have been in contact with in the first place. Some of those people might be girls. Of course, romance isn’t initiated by fate alone. You have to put some work into it. Let’s say for instance, your friend introduces you to one of their female friends. Just like with the previous step, you are going to have to ask questions and express some stuff about yourself so that you can see where the both of you connect in some way or another. What makes this different however is (assuming you are attracted to them and they are single) you are working on making a connection that is beyond the friendship level of socializing. If you are on good terms, and assuming this particular interest isn’t being bombarded by requests from other men, it might be a good idea to spend some time with her doing things like going to the movies, watching some sporting event, going to a concert, or just hanging out somewhere. Ideally, you both need to go by yourselves to any of these events but a friend or two isn’t a bad thing for the first couple of hang outs. Still, you want to at least have some personal time between you and your potential lover before you can start taking things to the next step. I’ll say one thing for certain, make sure you are actually attracted to the person you are socializing with. If you are forcing yourself into a relationship that has no strong social foundation of friendship, then you are going nowhere. Try to understand your potential lover’s personality as much as you can. Don’t be a fedora tipper m’lady kind of guy but try to be a reliable and loyal friend. Most good relationships are built upon good friendships from my observation.
So you finally found someone who is worthy of being your girlfriend and you got her to not only tolerate you but actually enjoy your company. Now would be the perfect opportunity to open up to her about your feelings. I don’t mean in the sense of “Hey I want to fuck you!” but more like “I really like being with you, everything about you is exciting and fun and so on and son on and I see you more than just a friend. I really admire you and would like for us to be more than friends.” Now you don’t have to word it exactly like that but you basically have to slowly reveal your feelings for her in a way that isn’t going to creep them out. Just be humble and honest about liking whomever you created a friendship with. Assuming you did everything right up to this point. There’s two things that might happen. She’ll either accept your feelings and become your girlfriend which in that case, congratulations, you did it! You finally got a girlfriend. It is now beyond the grasp of this guide to try to maintain that relationship in a way that isn’t going to end in a break up. I guess try to keep the good vibes going until you get to the point of proposing marriage or something, I don’t really know. Alternatively, she might just outright decline you. If she’s a good person, she’ll be nice about rejecting you. If she isn’t, she’ll tell you to fuck off. Either way, don’t consider it game over just yet. The chance of failure when it comes to asking a girl out is about 50% most of the time anyways. If you did what I a said in regards to making a social connection with others, you are still open to other girls who might also have potential as well. You’ll just have to start all over with another girl you meet and try again. Don’t get obsessed with just one girl. Try to meet as many girls as you can until you find someone who will be compatible with you.
So yeah, basically if I did any of that shit a decade earlier, I wouldn’t be on this shitty website making blogs about shit no one would care about in the first place. Granted, going out and socializing is a bit hard these days especially with lock downs, pandemic guidelines, and other crazy shit going on in the world right now but it’s not entirely impossible to get out there and do something good for your life. Just don’t be old like me and you still have the opportunity to not be a total fucking loser.
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