Social Rants

If I Could Go Back In Time...

Time travel is an impossible endeavour. You can argue all day about alternative time lines and alt history but at the end of the day, what happens in reality stays within reality until the day you die. I didn’t take chances or took the wrong chances in my life and I paid the price for it. Now I have to deal with what I have now regardless if I like it or not. But what if that wasn’t the case? What if I was given one chance to redeem myself and go back to where my life started to spiral into despair? To be specific, all of the knowledge and experience I have now will remain but I will be transported back into my old self and conscious as far back as middle school. Knowing what I know from this reality, what would I do differently in my childhood to prevent inceldom, and try to make myself normal and successful?

I can’t change the fact that I was switched to another school district before the start of my middle school year. That alone killed off any of my old connections I had with my true friends from Elementary that could had made middle school a lot more tolerable. Back then, I had no idea how to even talk to strangers because I never felt like I needed to make additional friends in Elementary. I knew most of my classmates as far back as 1st grade and I didn’t have any conflicts with any of them. Middle school was different because everyone was going through a phase of some sort and since they weren’t from my same school district, they had no idea who I was and what I had to offer to them. So they preceded to bully me and mark me as an outsider. That occurred because I did not have the social means to interact with them and talk about some the interests I could had shared with them. Not to mention, I was incapable of defending myself. That’s where I was in the wrong in this reality. If I could be more pro-active when talking to people in my classes or in my club, I would probably have a more successful social life and be all set for high school and beyond.

Speaking of clubs, I would not join band. Period. Granted, middle school band was one of the better moments of my middle school life and I got along really well with my band director. I was still at odds with some of my bandmates and sticking around for any longer would result in the eventual enrollment of marching band in high school which I absolutely despised with all my heart and soul. I loved music for as long as I remember so I wouldn’t do anything else that wasn’t music related. Instead, I would join orchestra instead. At least from my observations, the orchestra kids seem to be more civilized compared to the typical band nerd. Plus I could learn to play the Cello (My favorite stringed instrument!) even though I personally don’t like playing stringed instruments because of how dysfunctional my smol hands can get when trying to play notes on strings. To be honest, I would rather be a mediocre cello player surrounded by other orchestra members who weren’t absolute dicks and are decent than be a good Alto-Saxophone player and have to deal with degenerates and scum. Plus classical music is superior to marching music from Prussia anyways. Fight me.

The whole P.E. thing sucked but everyone had to do it so there’s not much I could do there. I did at one point try to enroll in the basketball team but the coach said I was too short to be any good. I could had done two things here. Don’t even bother with trying to join because it’s not like I was ever going to be a basketball star anyways or persist the coach by constantly begging to the point of annoying him or even getting my parents involved until he gives in and let’s me join in. Now I can’t say I would be anywhere near as good as the other players but at least being able to play and have some status would help my odds in getting a girlfriend early on.

Speaking of which, if there was ever a chance I found a girl I liked (and there were moments in my life where there were girls I thought were attractive, cute, or pretty, I would not hesitate to at least to try to get to know them by being more social. Now the big question is whether or not I would bother with any of my previous crushes from my past. The answer is no. For starters, I would not bother with Engineering summer camp. I think it’s safe to say I was not meant for any kind of engineering, stem, or math involved career. And going just for that one potential crush who I think in retrospect wasn’t particularly good to begin with is not worth wasting my time. Same goes with my crush from Band. The same girl who had psychologically tormented me back then up until this point. Since I wouldn’t be in band, I would probably never see her regularly which means I wouldn’t have to worry about having this crush on her in the first place. I would be more social with people who I would otherwise had never would had spoken a word with in my past and I could likely encounter better matches in Orchestra. And even if I don’t get that one true love I was looking for in middle school, I still got high school to try to work that out.

Speaking of which, high school would more or less be the same as middle school. I would still do Orchestra in addition to some other electives. French Honors Club would still be on there. I don’t think I would bother with robotics since I’m dropping the whole STEM thing. I think Future Farmers of America might be fun. You get to train in husbandry of farm animals and go to live stock shows. There was a welding class back in the day that I think I wouldn’t mind taking either. Learning a skill that could potentially give me some job opportunities out of high school. I wouldn’t bother with college shit. Period. Maybe I could do something military related since back then the only thing going on was the war on terror. Obviously I can’t spill the beans on future events to other people because they’ll think I’m crazy but I can probably give little hints by explaining “what if” scenarios to them as a means of creating some interesting discussions and potentially helping out my new friends later down the line when these theoretical scenarios do happen. “Oh also there’s this silly little internet money called Bitcoin you guys should really look into ha ha!”

I don’t know specifically what I would do out of high school but just as I said earlier, College is out of the question. No matter how hard my counselors or parents try to push it on me. I’ll refuse no matter what. I’m not falling for that trap again. Maybe having some friends to talk about my talents with could provide some opportunities I would otherwise wouldn’t have. And most importantly, I would be making this website years later because my life would not only be significantly less depressing but also completely normal, even in these times of crisis.

Yes. This is all just dream talk and nothing like this can remotely happen but it does provide an interesting thought and reflection upon the state of my life. What can I do now that I am in this situation? I honestly don’t know. At the very least, I learned my lesson from my mistakes but I honestly think it’s too late to fix the damage done on me on a social level. I may as well not even bother with my initial goals and try to seek something else. Like trying to survive the downfall of western civilization. I can see myself potentially getting out of that situation compared some people who think everything is going to be okay because they keep their head in the sand. That’s a work in progress, just like everything else in my life right now.