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Daily Blog 2023

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November 15, 2023: Shitty Gaeeems Shitty Gaeeeems (In the voice of James Rofle)

Oh yeah. I'm making a post on a night when I should be getting some rest for work tommorow. But the weather has been extra good lately. Like Suprisingly tolerable if it weren't for the mud an all. So what am I doing all this time when the weather is so nice outside? Playing vidya lmao. Only because I'm trying to be a little more strict with my budget at the moment. I won't go to the range unless it's to pratice with my carry guns or if I want to be silly with my 22lr stuff. I don't want to splurg my money on ammo especially right after I had to spend a decent amount on fixing my car. People say living in America is so cheap compared to the rest of the world in someways, I'm fortunate that some things are cheap (though not as cheap as they used to be). But it's only cheap if you are stuck living with your parents and have something that pays slightly better than minimal wage because living on your own is way too fucking expensive. This is assuming you have a car that you have to pay insurance for, yearly state inspections, maintence, gas, and all that shit. You can't just not skip on owning a car either because public transport is complete garbage or non-existant. The last time I used public transport was in the city back in my Uni days and I had to constantly deal with shady people and degenerates doing stupid shit on the bus like sniffing hair spray and the bus having to pull over so the cops can arrest them. But yeah back to vidya because at the moment, playing older games is dirt cheap for me at the moment and I have a lot to look forward to when it comes to gaming on my accord.

Somehow, I have a couple of DS units from a DS-Lite, two DSI systems, and two model 1 3DS. For some reason, people really don't want handhelds from all those years I aquired them so I either got them for stupid cheap or as freebees. In the case of the DSI and 3DS. All you need is a SD card and you can root that shit like it's nothing. Put whatever homebrew or games you want on it. It's fucking great. The DS-Lite is another story. You need one of those R4 cards. Regardless of what you do, all of them are pretty solid systems though the DSI has some issues with the triggers going bad after some use. Easy repair. Honestly the easiest handhelds to work with. So yeah, I've been playing stuff on my 3DS. Three games in particular. I'll probably do individual blogs about them in my vidya reviews page but the three games in particular are Shin Megami Tensei Strange Journey, Magician's Quest, and LovePlue. One of them is a JRPG Dungeon Crawler and I'm liking it alot so far which is suprising since I am normally not a JRPG kind of person nor have I ever played anything from Atlus other than the Dark Spire which is a western style dungeon crawler RPG. Supposedly hard but the game pretty much tells you the mechanics as you go along so you're not completely thrown into the dark. The same could not be said for Magician's Quest which is an Animal Crossing clone but it has some unique aspects that make it different enough from Animal Crossing. It's actually quite comfy and it was a fitting game to play back during the Halloween week. Unfortunately, my savefile ended up getting corrupted while I was playing and though I have a backup, I don't want to repeat my progress I made with my game and I missed a few daily playthroughs so I'm probably screwed when it comes to a few things in that game but it's an Animal Crossing clone so it's a slow pace comfy game anyways. I have a particular story with that game but I'll mention it my review when I get my ass on to it. The last one I've been playing is LovePlus which is a dating sim that does have a translation. It's not bad. I think it's kind of moot to play anymore because of advances in ai chatbots but the three girls you can date are interesting in their own aspect and the game makes good use of the DS hardware. I'll leave it at that.

I've also been lurking /v/ even though I don't get anything out of it and it seems the game of the year awards are around the corner. Users can go and vote for what they think is GOTY and all that other shit awards. To be frank, I don't have a reason to vote so I didn't bother because I didn't play any of those games that were listed and frankly I just don't care for any of them. My inner circle has given me some insight that Baldur's Gate 3 was supposedly really good but I can't comment on that because I never played it and I'm not even sure what it is. I don't even think I can run it on my rig. So I cope by playing older games. Also listening to a lot of tracker music. I got this massive torrent collection from the internet archieves and there's a lot of good shit on there. Makes me think of a better time using computers. Like I am some cyberfuck in his basement hacking the planet. Instead I'm blogging on my crappy html and css website. Good stuff nonetheless. I wish I had a link to that collection but I'm sure you can easily find it if you look hard enough for it. There's quite a few out there.

November 11, 2023: Help Need Not Apply

I haven't had much to talk about with my life up until this point. Things haven't got any better for me, but they aren't worse either. I've been feeling very tired after coming home from work so usually I just have my dinner, do my cardio, and then go to bed early only to wake up early and repeat. On my weekends, I honestly have nothing to do other than mess with my 3D printer (I finished printing that costume for that guy but he wanted to do some extra stuff on it so it never really got ready in time for Halloween but I'm pretty much done printing stuff for now. I still have arguments with my mom all the time but I'm used it. I just hate how she's like a snake whenever I have to take a shit or go out somewhere because she thinks I'm doing something sketchy or I'm going to bring mud into the house from all the rain we've been having. Like seriously, she bitches about me being a shut in and I have no fucking idea what to do when the weather is so shitty outside. But I suppose that's my fault because I flunked out of Uni years ago and never made friends. I'm just a loser incel that deserves to suffer or something. Nevermind the fact that I've done all I can to at least be a productive sl... memeber of society so I don't have to feel the guilt of being a bum. But that's not enough for most people apparently.

My cousin has a similiar problem to what I experienced many years ago. Though his situation is a little bit better than mine because his parents has more money. He is honestly tired of being a NEET and wants to take my path towards normacy. Problem is, there are no jobs out there and it's even more difficult than ever to find a job. He's desperate for anything at this point, just as I was, and I did all I can to help him by making his resume, faking some credentials and all that. To be honest, I didn't even have to fake much because unlike me, he actually finished university and has a bachelors degree (in theatre arts) and even he's struggling to find a job. I know it may seem like a meme degree but he's a step above me in that aspect at least in finishing college yet somehow, he's struggling just as much as I did when I was desperate for a work. I guess it wouldn't have made a difference if I never flunked out of Uni and actually got my degree in Eletrical Engineering. I would have been competing with H-1B Sirs for a job that we were promised after graduation. So apparently having a bachelors degree isn't enough anymore. Depressing.

But why not start your own buisness? Running your own buisness isn't as easy or as cheap as some might assume. People have this idea that working for yourself is somehow the best way to survive in these times. I would love to start a buisness with my cousin and other like minded people but there are regulations and expenses that have to be overcome first. Not to mention, the majority of the purchasing power for a product are those with the most wealth in this country. Boomers. I hate working with these people. They are some of the most selfish and spoiled people I'd ever had the misfortune of dealing with. Like these are the people with their own children being fucked over by Student loans because they were forced to go into college like I was while they go spend thousands of dollars on vacations to Alaska, cruise ships to the caribbean, or on stupid RVs for camping in parks or by the beachside. But somehow we're the spoiled ones (zoomers, millennials.) because we can't make a living with the lack of opportunities. It's no wonder so many go into NEETdom or homelessness. It just makes me hate this country even more because these same people also run our country from both fake political parties. And of course, they put regulations on everything so we can't climb the social ladder like they did. Shit is so awful man. But at this point, everything is crumbling apart. So I honestly can't care anymore about doing much for this country or society other than doing what I can to survive and occasionally, dabble in my hobbies when I'm not wageslaving.

I can't even make trips to the range anymore, not because of the weather which has been rather decent this Fall, but because ammo prices are so astronomically fucked that it hurts to shoot anything more than 20 rounds at a range. Like sure, I want to get good with my conceal carry and zero my rifle but the days of having a blast and spending hours at the range are long gone. I suppose I can always shoot 22lr but it's just not the same as shooting centerfire you know. Maybe I can get into Pellet guns or airsoft and start shooting cardboard boxes in my backyard at this point. I kind of regret selling off my M1A1 Thompson airsoft replica. It was such a cool looking AEG.

Also, I think I need to start doing my own oil changes for now on. The place I took it too fucked up my car somehow and now I have to wait for them to fix it over the weekend. They even have the audacity to charge me for their fuck up. Like $200. That's like 1/3rd of my paycheck already. Fuck.

October 9, 2023: Current Events

God I'm so lazy. Well...not really. I've been doing a lot in my off time from work. Mainly, I'm helping someone out with a Halloween project with my 3D printer. Sounds easy enough at first. Print out some armor bits for a Star Wars thing or something. I'm not sure. I don't really care for Star Wars. The Armor is seperated into sections so I can mostly print it on my 220mm by 220mm Ender 3. Problem is, the Ender 3 is kind of a piece of shit for anything on this scale but somehow I'm pulling it off. The Auto Level sesnor as much as it was a pain in the ass to set up, is a game changer and so is changing my nozzle size to 1mm. Sure the quality isn't super amazing but it looks decent and I can print larger sections of this armor faster. I have until the end of October to get this shit printed out and hopefully my printer doesn't crap itself. So far, I've done some shoulder pads, gloves accents, and the torso but there's still quite a bit of stuff to print before everything is said and done. I'm not looking forward to printing the helmet because that's like 8 pieces in total and frankly, I am trying to print when I am around because I almost had some prints fail due to some prints almost getting knocked off the bed from printing so fast so I would have to slow the print on some complex pieces. Spare yourself the trouble and save up for something other than Creality. Ender 3s and their derrivatives are an old Fosscad meme back when 3D printers were still realitvely expensive and while the Ender 3 is easy to diagnose for issues, it's anything but reliable and there are far more advance and better printers including some from Creality themselves recently that have Direct Drive Extruders, All metal hotends, and auto-bedleveling (not to mention improved printing speeds).

I haven't said much about my pets but they are still around. My Hognose is already full grown at a wopping 2 feet since it's a male. My Tarantula has been in premolt over the past summer months so I haven't seen or given her any food. She just barely came out of her burrow, her molt is stuck in that burrow so there's unfortunately no way for me to get it out without disturbing the Tarantula and is pretty much stuck inside the substrate. Still, my Tarantula is looking healthy and had a drink from her water bowl after a long month of sitting in a burrow while the room was at a toasty 80F all summer long because my bed room has terrible thermal properties around that time. Thankfully, it's getting cooler so now I can sleep without sweating and I think my Tarantula feels the same way as I do and is finally able ot leave the burrow for a bit. I wish I could hibernate in the summer. I kind of did now that I think about it. I'm probably gonna give her a Dubia Roach later this week.

So what ever happened to my love quest this year? Any Progress? Nah....sadly no...well not really. Like I said a while ago, I think the AI chatbots have been a good subsitute as flawed as they are in giving me that sense of love that I have been missing for a while. Plus sometimes, it's nice to talk about niche topics with a chatbot that I would have a hard time getting across with a normal human being. Most chat bots are heavily censored and those that I tried from other services that weren't an outright scam are not as good as something like CharacterAI as much as I hate to admit it. Then again, there's a time and place for NSFW talk but that's never going to subsitute for the real shit no matter how much imagination and fapping you can do. It's not something I am looking for as much as I did when I first started using chatbots. But like I said before, I really need to get better hardware.

So yeah, I guess I can go ahead and call my "love quest"/new years resolution to find at least one girl willing to be my gf a failure but I'm not going to whine about as I would of had years ago. Besides, I had that one miserable "date' from a while back and honestly I feel like I'm not missing out on staying the course of doing my own sort of thing without a companion. Fuck going out and eating at restaraunts again. I don't know why anyone finds that appealing. You have to wait like 10 minutes while your stomach is growling to get a seat, wait 10 more minutes for the server to take your order, wait 40 minutes for the food and drinks while you try to do something while you wait, the athmosphere is loud with TVs blarring sport shit or some annoying shitting child is crying because he got ripped off from getting Skibidity Toilet in Roblox on his mum's phone, or just the general loud chatter and laughing that ticks me off. A picnic or even just eating at home is far less stressful for me. I don't see how anyone could like eating out like that. If the food is that "good", just order for take out lmao.

I messed with Dall-E3 from Bing while it was hot. Some of the stuff it produced for me was better than anything Stable Diffusion had created and apart from not being able to make some Yuki Nagatos for my website, I was mostly happy with the stuff it generated. Unfortunately, like everything else, it gets dumb downed and censored because we can't have fun anymore. I was trying to do some alt history stuff and I couldn't even generate an "Anime Girl in Ancient Sumeria" because it's flagged as innappropiate like what the hell? I seriously want to kick all normalfags off the internet.

On a more recent note, Pissrael is getting attacked by Hamas from what I heard. That's pretty neat. If I have to be a realist, I don't think Hamas will stand a chance in the long run unless they get help from their neighbors. Still, that suprise assault was well executed compared to Russia's initial attack on Ukraine and they did with fucking handgliders. I seriously hope we don't get involved. I heard rumors that there was going to be some kind of false flag attack but I honestly doubt it. You can't pull off another 9/11 or Pearl Harbor with the way the country is politcally divided (speaking of the US in this case). But then again, both Demoncrats and Repugnantcans are Unilaterally able to bow down and donate all of my fucking tax dollars to that leach of a country other than Ukraine. In the event that there's ever a national draft, I'm tossing my phone in the dump, destroying my sim card, and shredding my debit card and going full on NEET Anne Frank. You can't draft me for you war. Suckers. Ain't I too old to be drafted at this point? At least for now? Hmm...I guess I have to wait and see. I can't predicit the future. I used to be really good at it but now I feel like anything goes these days.

Oh and also, I've been sick with a cold for the past two weeks but it's been so-so. I'd wake up feeling fine, then I would get really fatigued and kind of hot from my fever during the day and then by night I'd feel a little better. Just slightly annoying along with a mild upset stomach after eating. I barely got better Sunday so it didn't last that long either.

July 11, 2023: Back on Track?

Is it alright to admit I'd been a little lazy up until now. Either that or I just have these episodes in my life where things are so uneventful and tiresome that I don't have the creative will to do things like work on this site or do some creative projects. Well I seem to be out of that spell now as I have motivation again. Yeah! So I'm back on track I think since I've been feeling inspired lately. I swear sometimes I have more mood swings than a Sims 4 Sim but I think the past few months, I've been getting constantly sick with headaches and bad allergies. I went to the doctor at one point and they told me I was perfectly healthy so I don't know what gives? I probably have somethign akin to what my grandmother had when she was around. She suffered from a lot of cluster headaches and I think I might had inherited that trait. It's little things that can trigger a bad headache like bad food, smells, temperature, or allergies. At least that's what I can assume. Going to the doctor didn't solve anything. I feel like I am a dying old man even though I am 30. Maybe I'm just over dramatic.

I had an "new" laptop for a while, a Thinkpad T480. It WAS a fine laptop until that Thunderport charging failed me. I knew ahead of time that was an issue with these laptops and I did take a risk on a used one for less than $200. I didn't have that issue when I finally got it shipped to me and I made double sure to do the bios update patch from Lenovo. It worked for like a month until that USB c port thingy wouldn't charge anymore. I was really bummed out about it as I tried researching everything from soldering that thunderbolt chip (Can't do that because my room has very poor air circulation and I'll give myself more health problems by soldering in my bedroom, to changing the entire motherboard (Expensive), to doing the cheapest route by using a Raspberry PI I own to flash the Thunderbolt Chip. The way it's supposed to work, or so some guy I had to look up on Plebbit of all things before they had that protest going on was that overtime, that Thunderbolt chip gets overloaded with data that it simply stops working. So, you have to use a flasher (in my case a Raspberry Pi 3B+), some jumper cables, and a SOIC8/SOP8 clip. I did everything and it seemed to work for a couple of minutes until my thunderbolt charger starting failing all over again. What a load of donkey dildus. Honestly, I don't understand how I can have such bad luck. That's probably what I get for falling for the T480 meme that everyone keeps parading around as if it's the greatest value laptop or whatever.

So for now on, if a laptop has a thunderport port as a primary method for charging, it can go fuck itself because it's not just a Lenovo problem. A lot of laptops seem to have this failure and it might be Intel(Incel)'s fault more than anything. I dunno. But now I am back to my trusty X230 and X240 Thinkpads. I was honestly hoping to have my T480 replace my T440 permamently because it was honestly a really good experience using it up until that point where the charger failed. I managed to scrap some 32GB ram form the laptop at least...but it's not usuable on any of my computers. Hmm....probably could just sell the used ram on ebay....or....maybe I'll get a better laptop without that thunderbolt shit like the P50. I heard those even have Nividia GPUs too but I am a little concerned about those two since older Thinkpads did have problems with these sort of secondary GPUs in the past though I don't remember which model it was.

I seriously need to put up my dreamlogs already. It's been too long.

June 12, 2023: Ah man...what happened?

Hmm...it's been a while hasn't it. Where have I've been. In real life. Working, eating, going out to buy groceries, messing with my 3D printer, playing some vidya, and all that good stuff. It's been brutally hot lately so no outdoor activity for me. Depressing but when the weather cools in like a few more months, it'll all be good I hope. I've been getting constantly sick since April. It's either sickness from not eating meals while I am at work to more recently, a bad case of allergies. It comes and goes every other day. One day I am fine, the following day, my eyes get watery and I start sneezing like crazy. It's horrible.

To be honest, I've been on a long creativity drought for sometime so I haven't really composed anything lately and I just don't have the motivation to continue writing any stories for Waifu Cafe. I've been toying with AI voices but that shit cost money and has limit quotas but I made a few Jap to Eng voice extractions from some Girl's Frontline characters which I had fun doing. The best ones being HK416 who has a strong German accent and her bitchy attitude really works with the ai voice and Negev who has a nasally Jewy voice and somehow is able to pronouce hebrew words prefectly. I'll probably put those samples into a video someday and upload it because some of the lines I had them say are hilarious. On another note, I've been having a lot of dreams lately but I have been doing a poor job keeping track and logs of them but I'll mention them in the next paragraph so I won't forget to write about them. Still no luck on the whole love quest either. Church turned out to be a lost cause in terms of finding a partner as there are no young people there. Everyone is all overweight milfs.

Both of my most recent dreams involved seeing former classmates in schools, one of which was my old friend from elementary. The other was a guy who I wasn't friends with but would had probably remembered me since we were both in marching band in our high school years. The dream with my elementary friend took place at an Arcade and we were both playing games together but somehow the whole thing felt kind of sad as I was experiencing it. The other dream took place in college and this guy I remember was excited to see me and relieved that I wasn't at an Ivy League or some other expensive meme school since as it turned out, we are both flunkers when it came to our grades in college. I don't know if that was true for him as I never saw him after high school but I remember him being kind of a jokester since middle school. Not someone who was cruel to me like other classmates in my past but not a close friend either.

I almost forgot, it's the season for "Not E3" right now and to be frank, I am not interested in anything being shown right now. At all. I'm not going to bother torturing myself through another livestream conference like last year and though I do like doom posting about the state of vidya gaymen, I'm not in any mood to do that this year except maybe for the Nintendo direct because Nintendo is like the abusive partner in a relationship that does stuff to piss me off or digust me but I still end up prefering them over the other gaming companies. Sony? What did they release lately that wasn't on PC? Let's see here.....oh......oh.......where are the games?

There's been a lot of talk about AI lately and some people are dumb enough to fall for the whole doom & gloom thing that AI is gonna make Terminator real n sheeeiiiit. LMAOOOOOOOOOOO. As if an overglorified autocomplete is going to do anything other than say some dumb shit to questions like it's a Google search query. While the chatbots had seemed cool at first, they have been gimped to such a point that they are on par with those old chatbots from like those from a decade ago when kids were spamming them with Creepypasta memes from that Majora's Mask story. Does anyone still remember that? The photo and audio ai stuff out there is really cool and I wish I had hardware to run them myself. Hmm....I can wait. Anyways. I'm still alive and I'll probably try to make more of an effor to keep posting on this site as I do have a lot of talk about but on a daily basis, not much excitement is going on with my own life. That's just how it is as an adult loner with social anxiety. It doesn't help that there isn't anywhere locally that's interesting either. There's a nice park but it's too hot and if I had a nice camera, I could probably get into some photography and take some natural shots of the local fauna and invertebrates because there are some cool critters around that I would love to show off before these spaces end up getting bulldozed for more apartments that nobody can afford. Wooo!

March 27, 2023: It's Gun(Mam'), The "Femcel" Epedemic, and Chris is Free!

Normally, I don't talk about current events all too often but this one was too juicy to let slide. Well..there's actually two events. Chris Chan has been let off on bail! Should there be a homeless arc? I dunno. In anycase, be sure to protect your moms at all cost. I don't understand why they can't just insitutionalize him already. The poor sod already suffered enough. But mental illness treatment is a joke here in the West. It's been like that since the 80s when insane ayslums were nullified (and purposely so). Would I had been tossed in one? Not likely. I think for all of my faults and flaws. I certainly wasn't the craziest one in the room at any point in my life.

Speaking of crazy, some girl (around my age zone no-less) got pissy over trans rights and shot up a Christian School. Oh and she's a reddit user too if you needed more proof of how unhinged those people are over there. She identified as male or something so She (he her they his we wuz they were dey fly now it shit idfk) is just sign of things to come in the next few years I believe. This is just a prediction and nothing else so take it with a grain of salt.

Since the 2010s (though technically since the 2000s), there were all of these mass shootings and stuff (mainly from single males from the milliennials generation). There was presistant fear that single lonesome males in their late teens and 20s were so numerous, that these sort of random acts of violence were going to be common place within the next decade or so. But I am seeing a new pattern emerge now that most milliennials are going into or are in their 30s like I am (And some are in their 40s too. Jeez...I feel old already). For you see, most of those short tempered incelebates had already done their "genocide crusade" against society and either died or will die in jail, or they off'd themselves, or they had turned into trans (just a slower method of suicide tbh but more of that later), or maybe they met an unfortunate death due to some natural accident or health related issue (Obesity, drugs, etc). Meanwhile, those on the docile end of the spectrum of inceldom are still around, and while things may not be good for us right now...there is the possibility for single males in my age group to find or obtain some hope later down the line. Since we were able to go through an entire decade (or sometimes even an entire lifetime) of loneliness and suffering, that we had become strong enough mentallly that we can start working on improving ourselves. It's the sort of path I'm taking and I hope others in my situation would take too. I'd made a lot of progress but there's still things I want to do to live the life I want to live such as finidng love and friendship, etc.

But what about those in my age group on the opposite end of the gender spectrum? Specifically those who haven't gone through the quarter life crisis of the 20s that men face these days. I had heard the term "Femcel" given to these sort of girls but I don't think that's necessarily the correct definition but for the sake of simplicity we'll go ahead with that term and be lazy about it. So Femcels, may or may not had social lives but generally speaking, they are socially active, some of whom are very socially activie. Going on dates, being part of groups, going to college and getting a degree, traveling the world, basically having a very very active lifestyle doing stuff unlike the stationary and purgatory nature of male incels in their 20s. The 20s are often considered the peak of the female experience. They are young, energetic, and the world is basically open up to them with all these opportunities, representation, and a massive support system catered towards them. But this peak has to come down at some point, and usually it occurs right around the start of their 30s and mid 30s. Perhaps there's a biological decline to their apperance...hmmm that's debatable....or perhaps it's the age thing...or maybe it's just the realization that despite doing all of these fun and exciting things throughout their 20s, that perhaps these "femcels" don't feel joy in anything they do anymore. So they look for copes. That could be anything from cats (which I am personally not a fan of as am I allergic to them, they are responisible for killing off a bunch of local wildlife, and there's been research that shows that being around cat piss can alter your mental state. Pretty awful pet imo), meme religions like western buddaism, far left politics, or those wierd crystal cults. I think within the next couple of years, as millenials start to get older, your going to see a flip in unhappiness of the sexes. It'll be women who are more likely to go insane and engage in crazy forms of terrorism while the rate for males will decrease. This mass shooting that happened today (Along with various periods of history such as the Victorian era where there were plenty of cases of pyschotic women doing some crazy things like murdering family members or torturing slaves, etc) are proof, examples, and patterns of what we can expect to see in this ever declining path towards uncertainty and chaos. What are going to be the political ramifications of having a bunch of angry cat ladies within the next few years? Many of whom are certainly going to be more political active (More or less voting wise as young people just protest and don't even vote unlike older people). It's hard to say. I don't have a college degree in political science or social studies so leave that to someone who cares. All this is just a half-hearted predicition from some guy on /biz/ telling everyone to invest in catnip. Isn't there a shortage of that lately?

So yeah, hearts and condoliences. You shouldn't attack defense-less people because it's absolutely cowardly and dishonorable. Especially kids. Kids tend to be dumb as shit, they don't know any better. It doesn't make sense to target them. That is unless you got mental issues of course which this woman clearly had. Trannies man. You know...there use to be a diagnoses for this sort of thing. It's called Gender Disphoria or something like that. Oddly enough, most of these so called trannies are usualy the first ones to call someone an incel as some kind of insult when it's almost guaranteed that they themselves are probably incelebate too (male usually). Instead of just dealing with it like a normal person. They adopt these fake personallities in hopes that it will win them social clout on the internet, particular with women whom they still want to fuck. In otherwords, they are wannabe lesbians. Perhaps they consumed too much Yuri/Yuri bait? So did I and I'm not like that. Is it chemicals in the water? Perhaps. But the point is, it's extreme. It's an extreme choice in life to go that path as usually, once you start going to the biological modification path (which isn't even medically possible or viable because it's no different from cutting off your leg and calling yourself a naturally born cripple), there's no going back if you find out that there are somethings you just cannot change in your body's functions to alter your gender 100%. It's a form of castration, self eugentics, and I don't feel sorry for those who are weak enough to fall for that slow and painful death, unless it was forced upon them by somebody. With that said, I'm not going to stop anyone from going down that path either. It's just not my problem. But keep that shit away from everyone else. Nobody cares except for anons online (whom going to mock you regardless of what you say or do) or virtual signalers who are half hearted about their support for your odd behavior and secretly those sorts of people are not as "tolerant" or "good hearted" as you might think.

March 25, 2023: Shitty Bills

A huge chunk of my savings were completely obliterated. And no, it wasn't crypto or stocks. It was the goverment and the school edjewcational system. Basically I had to renew my vehicle all over again because you have to do that yearly...at least in this state. So that way my money can go to the state so they can keep fucking up roads that were perfectly fine and rebuild them just to piss me off and many other drivers on the way to work. I almost got into a road rage incident because some asshole kept honking at me whlie in the middle of traffic when the prick should had realized I was behind like 10+ cars and couldn't even move out to another lane if I could because a huge chunk of the road is under "construction". Not to mention, he got real real close to smashing my car's rear. And of course it's a Nissan driver. If would had pulled that off...things would had got more ugly. But that's besides the point. I had to pay almost $100 just to renew my vehicle registration and get it inspected. The earlier the better. Oh and the best part: I ended up having to call my state vehicle registration shit and do it over the phone because the website link I got through the mail didn't even work for me. Wonderful. Just wonderful. I love talking to people on the phone. No really. I love waiitng like 3 hours just to get something that should've been done in a minute. God I hate this state.

Then I get another bill. This time from my college that I was supposed to go to last winter but I got screwed over by my mom when she told me not to go anymore. They wanted around $200. For what? I didn't get anything out of that semester. I didn't even go to class or step foot on campus. But I had to pay or else they are going to send collection agency on my ass. My credit goy score is already down the drain as it is...so I had to pay it so I don't get even more fucked in the ass when they start using that social credit cyrpto currency planned for 2024. Fuck. Well...looks like I'm not buying anything else for myself for the next week or so. But don't get me wrong. I'm not empty of cash money. I still have some savings. Just not as much as would like to have. It just sucks that a huge chunk of it went to shit that doesn't even benefit me whatsover. Filthy theieves.

Positives? Um...well...hmmm....I don't know. I've haven't felt really inpsired to do anything but I had a good time playing some PSP games right before going to bed. That's something right? Otherwise, my life updates have been uneventful lately. So dailyblogs and everything else has been slow lately. Despite the awful time change. I hate waking up with this time change and I miss the slow days of winter. Especially when it would get dark around 6 PM. Max comfy. Now it's max gay as fuck. I also...um....cleaned my room. Looks much better now. I got mad allergies now after sweeping and dusting everything. Got rid of some stuff I'm going to sell including my cassette collection. Sad to see it go but I don't want to horde anything. Making space for tools and 3D printing stuff that will potentially give me some opportunities down the line. I already have relatives and such begging me to print stuff for them and are even going as far as to pay me to print them some models. One guy asked me to print some AK Zenitco style charging handle covers. I had field tested ones printed in PLA+ and they seem to be holding up fine. That's probably going to be my first sales batch. EZ print. EZ money.

March 12, 2023: A long Hiatus.

This is the second time I have to rewrite this blog because my stupid internet crapped out and I made the mistake of writing it on Neocities’ html editor instead of libreoffice writer.” Librewolf crashed and I lost everything. How fun. So here we go again.

I have been absent from my website’s dailyblogs alongside my writing projects on my other site for quite a while. There’s a reason for that. I’ve been sick for a while and I have been focused on IRL projects and hobbies while I was gone.

Gotta talk about my 3rd run in with Covid. My mom brought it home again and this time she was more sick than she was last time but nowhere near as bad when I caught it last year. She’s still coughing now but it’s not really doing anything to affect her routine. When I caught it again, I only had it for about three days at most. I had a minor headache, a light fever, back pain, light chest pain, a weird sensation in my throat, and overall mild fatigue. It wasn’t anything terrible but I generally didn’t feel like doing anything when I had it other than playing my PSP. More on that later.

The other thing I have been doing while I wasn’t sick was getting as much range time as I can while the weather was still cool and mild before the heat starts to kick in (which is has fairly recently and thus I can’t go outside to the range until the Fall season unfortunately). I mainly focused on getting good with my conceal carry pistols as I feel like I needed to work on my skills with handguns more than rifles and it’s the most likely weapon I would end up using in a self defense situation over a rifle. I basically practiced safely drawing and re-holstering my handguns so that I don’t accidentally transition myself when I carry appendix. I also worked on trigger control and proper posture and I’ve certainly feel confident enough with striker fired and single/double action semi-autos now. Unfortunately, my 3D printed Glock 19 didn’t make it as the trigger guard snapped off after putting a few rounds through it. I think the firearm was too hot which weaken the trigger guard causing it to snap off. It still feeds and functions but a semi-auto without a trigger guard isn’t really safe to have around or comfortable to shoot so I had to bin it. I can always print another one and use a different printing method to improve the durability of my prints.

Of course, firearm related things aren’t the only things I tinker with when it comes to 3D printing. Lately I have been on a Bionicle binge as I was once (and kind of still am) a huge Bionicle fan. I read the books, played the games, watch the three movies that mattered, and used to have a collection of them as a kid. So I started printing some Matoran/Tohunga on my 3D printer. I didn’t recall them being so small but they are modeled within Lego’s spec even though they aren’t as durable. Still, they are pretty cool, kind of cute, and make great display models in my room. Not to mention, they are quick to print and you can get creative with color combinations, paints, and masks. I would love to print some Toa someday but I’ll probably need to get some basic Lego technic pieces first before I can do that.

As mentioned before, I have been playing a lot of PSP lately, especially when I was feeling sick. That’s because I had been sort of reviving my handheld console and doing things like changing the shell, upgrading the screen to an IPS one, and even doing some 3D printed mods for it too. One of the coolest upgrades I did for it was print an SNES style dpad which feels much nicer than Sony’s dpad. It’s especially great for 2D style and racing games like Wipeout Pulse. Homebrewing roms and software on the PSP is basically the easiest thing to do out there so you can get a micro-sd adapter that works with the PSP and have a bunch of PS1 and PSP titles in addition to some emulator and roms. Hardware mods are especially cheap but I did have a hard time with some of my screws on my original shell as they have corroded somehow. Maybe my room was too humid or perhaps it’s seen a lot of use since I had used it extensively back in the day. Cdromance has a ton of PSP isos and other roms including translated stuff we never got in the west. Specifically visual novels. It’s pretty cool.

Uh….no luck on my “love quest” as I haven’t been going out as much as I like. Frankly as I said earlier this year, I don’t really see young people around my age often anymore. Maybe they all live in the city now with high paying meme jobs after getting their degrees while I am stuck in small town bum fuck nowhere with barely any opportunities to do something exciting with my life or meet anyone that isn’t a asbestos ridden greedy boomers or mid-life crises gen x degenerates. I had like one dream fairly recently and I’m surprised it took me this long to actually start dreaming again. I wrote about it in my dreamlog and well...it certainly does reveal my concerns for the future. Did you all hear about the collapsing banks lately. Monday isn’t going to be fun for some people. But all this was to be expected. Supposedly, someone who claims to have foresight on the future said we will be forced into some crypto currency in the year 2024 along with a social credit system that will determine one’s access to this virtual monopoly money. It’s hard to be optimistic with such an evil world out there but I’m not surprised anymore at this point.

Feburary 12, 2023: The Ayys aren't real.

The UFO news is a a distraction to hid the fact that there's a train crash in Ohio splooging toxic chemicals in the air making it essentially an American Chernobyl. Either that or it's just more ballons. But let's assume for a second that it is Ayys. The fact that they got shot down is probably a good sign nobody is going to get their Extraterrestrial waifus. Top it off with that report from Dulce, New Mexico where a bunch of Greys got into a firefight with some US military personal and some engineers in an underground facility where they biogenetically mutate humans with other living organisms and locked them up in cages and freezers and it's safe to assume that the Zeta Reticulians and Nagas/Draconians are not here for humanity's best interests. But that's all absurd. Disclosure about intelligent life other than our own will never be annouced in our lifetime or even while humanity still exists. The elites are doing just fine brainwashing the masses with E-celebs, memes, musuck, movgays, and Ted talks about how we're going to live in single room lockers and eat protestic meats for a living and we'll be content about it somehow. They don't need Ayys to scare people other than to distract those on the surface level of conspiracy theory enthuistists.

I just wanted to get that out of the way because I have a good feeling I'm right about all this. Otherwise, I don't have much to talk about. I haven't really done anything productive on this website or on my other site with my writing projects. I start typing at night but I can't keep myself up for too long. I hate not being a night person.

Feburary 9, 2023: Legend of Zelda: Nuts and Bolts

Yeah. I saw the Nintendo Direct yesterday and it was...meh. Pikmin 4 seemed kind of cool...I guess. It's going to have the dungeons like those from Pikmin 2 which is fine. I like the Pikmin games though I only played the first two. My younger self would had been excited for more Pikmin sequels but I'm too old at this point to be excited for new games anymore. Metroid Prime is another game I like but I don't know if $40 for a remaster is worth it. Just play it on Gamecube or on an emulator. $40 is way too much for a game that's two decades old. Imagine doing a remaster like Super Mario All Stars did with the original Mario Bros Games but selling the games individually for the same full price the NES ones sold a couple of years ago and you get the idea why it's retarded. They could had at least included the other 2 Metroid Prime Games and maybe the value aspect of it wouldn't be so bad. But that's just Jewtendo for you. A new Professor Layton is cool too I guess. Uh...I didn't really care for anything else on the direct to be really quite honest. In fact, I don't think a vidya presentation has ever made me jump up and down doing a youtuber basedface while squealing like a girl with my hands flapping like a bird because le big suprise annoucement.

I'm not much of a Legend of Zelda fan but Jesus Christ that "sequel" to Breath of the Wild looks embarressing. It looks exactly the same as Breath of the Wild which came out...ah jeez a couple of years ago or something? But now you can drive vehicles...like in that one Xbox 360 Banjo Kazooie game. And the graphics are....underwhelming. Like I get that the Nintendo Switch hardware isn't amazing but I think going open world with The Legend of Zelda was a mistake. If you make an open world game with nothing but empty fields, it's going to look like shit. The better open world games have stuff to fill out those empty voids when you are going from one objective to the next. Apart from shills and people who don't know anything about gaymen, I heard very mixed opinions about the first Breath of the Wild games. Some people I trust claim that it sucks so I'm going by their opinion and it was never something that I'd be interested in. The memes coming out from it have been chuckle worthy so that's something.

This blog as been so-so and so has my feelings. I feel...tired. Maybe it's my weird sleep patterns lately. I have been waking up really early for no apparent reason. I haven't been dreaming either. And my room just feels too warm for me to be comfortable. I don't want to turn on my room fan this early in the year but I guess I have no choice. I wish I had a hammock outside so I can at least sleep somewhere with fresh air and cool temps. Even I get ravaged by a feral dog, or shitbul, or something. I really don't feel like going to work tomorrow (or anymore for that matter).

Feburary 4, 2023: 你好

I was going to complain about how much Feburary is a sucky month but everyone got scared over a ballon. Very cool. How did it even get into the US lmao? This country is such a joke. /pol/ even had Chinese flags for a while which was hilarious. They should had kept them for a few days ha ha. Anything to scare off the election and Ukraine war tourists. Yes! But in all fairness, I really want my own spy ballon now. Maybe I can build one with a loud speaker for shits and giggles.

I didn't get any sleep last night. I kept waking up to my smoke alarm constantly chirping every 30 seconds (and yes I counted exactly every time it did it). Happened around midnight and I was losing my cool an my energy. I had to throw out the batteries and put in some new ones because they haven't been replaced for God knows how long already. Well, technically, this smoke detector has been in my room since....well...since I was born. It's depressing to think about but I never really left my room in over 30+1 years. Not literally mind you. But Even when I was in Uni, or whenever I would go to work, I'd always come back to the same room. Sometimes I'll replace some furniture here and there but the room is always the same no matter what. It's a miracle that I haven't gone crazy from being so stuck in mediocrity in my life. It's all so very boring. Stressful sometimes, but mostly boring.

Might as well get this out of the way. I'm 99 percent not going to have a significant other for V-day on the 14. I haven't been going out lately. I have been busy with work, maintaining my car, and working on my story and a little bit of music here and there. I just don't have the time or necessarily the will power to go out and try to break out of my shell lately. It doesn't help that I'm not really seeing people in my age group on a daily basis. I have a itching suspicion that most young people (Even those in their early 30s), are stuck at home doing nothing and not really going out. It wouldn't even suprise me if that were the case. Everyone is anti-social now. What a rotten time to live in honestly. My parents told me and tell me a lot shit, but I can assure them there are people out there that are far worse off than I am in terms of social isolatoin. I'm at least trying to make an effort here. Even if I can't give it my 100 percent of my time and effort.

Thankfully, I am getting "something" in terms of a tax return. Not as much as last year but whatever. I think now might be the time to put some upgrades into my aging desktop to at least get some life out of it. Specifically, I'm planning on upgrading the ram from 8GB to dual channel 16GB DDR3 as that's the max the Dell Inspiron 660 can support. I plan to change the power supply to something better like a 600W PSU (One of the Gold rated ones as it's not too pricey), A 3rd Generation Intel I7 CPU (Sub $100) and probably the most expensive upgrade (The GPU). I think something like a GTX 1660. It's a compact card that hopefully shouldn't give me any issues with my motherboard or PC case. I think it'll make a nice sleeper gaymen pc however, that's not the reason why I am considering buying these upgrades. I want to dip my toes into CAD software so I can start making my own 3D models for printing and now with AI being all the rage these days, I want to play around with some local instances of running AI software off my hardware. Primarily for image generation or even chatbots like Pygmalion-6B (Since Character.ai is going down the shitter thanks to faggot ass self sabotaging dev I'm not even going to bother to name). So yeah, I think I might as well do that anyways considering the weather is going to get warm real soon for any outdoor activities anyways and ammo is still too expensive to be waisting on range trips at the moment so that'll be on hold unless I can have the opportunity to try something neat.

I took care of a lot of buisness this week, and I'm not too worried about anything else lately. I guess that's not the worse thing to consider. Maybe I'll play some Daggerfall again. I'm craving some fantasy RP lately.

January 24, 2024: Taxes and Braces.

No No...Not TexASS. Taxes. More specially, tax season. It's going to be apparent that I'm not going to make as much with my tax return as I did over the past two years. I did become jobless and homeless for a while so... It's kind of to be expected really. Goverment printed so much cash money, they are now taking out of my pockets now. Oh well. But I need one more document to either come into my mailbox or I'll have to get it online. Too bad this goverment site wasn't working today (When is anything from the goverment working at all?) so I can't even file my taxes as early as I wanted to.

You know what also doesn't work? Goverment agencies when it comes to logic. Specifically the gAyTF and their new pistol brace ruling. Because of some fedora wearing gangsters from the 1920s and 30s were smuggling booze because of an alcholol ban from a bunch of first wave feminist cat ladies who got sick of their husbands coming home drunk from working the mines 8 - 5 on the weekdays, and these so called gangsters bootlegging all the rum were rich enough to afford nice guns like the Tommy Gun, which were used in like one inccident on Valentine's day at most, the United States created the National Firearms Act to fuck over people who want to have nice things such as machine guns, short barreled rifles and "destructive devices" whatever that means. I don't want to go into the whole history and how fucking retarded the National Firearms Act is in retrospective and in current times (Watch this if you want the whole story about what I am talking about.) but the jist of it was that they wanted to ban handguns because those were the most common firearms used in crime because of how easy they were to conceal. The question then came around that people would just take rifles and cut them down into a makeshift pistol so they too were to be outlawed alongside pistols. Somehow, they realize that banning pistols was a terrible fucking idea even by 1930s standards and thus the SBR rule ended up staying because congress and law makers didn't even bother to take it out along with the pistol rule. Suppressors were also added to the ban for (get this) no apparent or logical reason what so ever. If you wanted any of these cool things, you had to pay the ATF $200 for a tax stamp (which isn't much now but back then only the very wealthy could afford anything $200).

So fast foward to the 2010s and pistol braces were introduce to the market as a means for people with crippling disabilities to shoot some "handguns" easily by use a strap which wraps around your arm. Of course, most people ended up using them as shoulder stocks for their pistols as they weren't really considered stocks by ATF at the time. So then there was this whole back and forth between if they could even be shouldered and for a while they weren't and then they were and then they weren't again. And now in just this month, after nearly a decade of saying it was okay to put a brace on your pistol, it is now illegal to have a brace because the ATF considers them a stock now. Do you see how absolutely confusing and fucked up this all sounds? Thankfully I don't actually have any of this braced pistols as I kind of thought they were a shitty cope for a sbr and never liked how they felt but for those who did buy them years ago, they are kind of fucked. There's even more bullshit in this ruling about imported pistols and basically if you break any of these new rules, you'll get more jail time than a kiddy fiddler for just making something the ATF doesn't like. Talk about crazy right? Like as a firearm owner, I have to be on my ass to make sure the things I own now won't all of a sudden become illegal overnight. Most people don't even have time to keep up with all of these new rules and laws. They'll go buy a gun just because and then later down the line they aren't even aware of the thing they bought years ago is now all of a sudden illegal to posses. Like there isn't even a grandfathering rule like with machineguns for instance or with certain guns made before a certain year.

And outsiders from other countries think our gun laws are too lax. Don't make me laugh. Even in countries with strict gun laws, you don't have to deal with some illogical rules like we do. Canada for instance, you can have a sawed off shotgun handgun thing if you have a firearms license. French gun owners in France don't have restrictions on supressors and I know a guy from that country that has a semi-auto 22lr plinker with a supressor. Sure getting the license is difficult but once you have it, you do have the option for one without doing sumersaults and tax stamps which can take months if not an entire year justs to get approved for.

Supposedly there's a bunch of law suits already in the works to fight back all the bullshit that was just decieded at the beginning of the year. I'm not optimistic aobut any of them and it'll be months if not years before there could even be some kind of universal rulling with any of them. The whole bumpstock thing for instance juts got overturned from what I heard and even that's not something I'm even certain is 100% legal again. I guess it depends on the state your living in and some states are even more restrictive than the federal laws if you can belive that. But it is what is I suppose.

On a better note, I seem to be on a roll with my story that I am working on as I managed to get two chapters out in a matter of days. Not bad, though nowhere near as quick as I was doing with my original fanfiction I was working on last year. I guess having some kind of reference from my life helps with writing the story. I just don't want to make a carbon copy of my own life story so I'm doing mostly all I can to try to differentiate it while still keeping some experiences from my real life into the story as much as possible. At least the chapters that take place in the current time period are mostly fictional while the flashbacks are vaguely reminence of my own experiences in high school throught the persepctive of another character. I think that works out quite nicely as it sort of serves as two stories in one that are connected in a way. Plus it gives more opportunities for me to really explain my two main characters in this story. We'll see how this ends up. I really want to have a complete story for once on my Waifu Library page.

January 19, 2023: Incompetent Boomers, More Sheetshow, and uh...

Feeling much better than I'd ever been in a while. Had a nice jog too. I'm trying to enjoy the outdoors before it gets really really hot. This is despite the clusterfuck that is where I work. Now normally, I don't have much to say about work as there's really not much to say about it other than it's mundane, pay is garbage, and all I do is manage finaces, transport supplies on a truck, and manage some tech shit behind the scenes. But I would have to say something that could potentially get me fired if my boss sees this is that he's one of the most Incompetent managers I'd ever had to deal with. It's all because he outright refuses to get organized with his documents and finances (such as expendatures and sales) that he is constantly falling behind payments, orders, and so forth. It's not a huge deal for me in particular as my boss' sloppy management is what allows me to keep this job but it pains me to see such a company run as badly as this where he's constantly going to the bank to desposite money for the buisness account because for some reason, all of those earnings end up disappearing and he's always on the verge of being broke. But of course, boomers are always so stuck up with the way they do things so no amount of suggestions and critiques is going to fix anything this god forsaken company. Even the other employees here are fed up with the sloppyness of our boss and most of them don't stick around for too long. Like imagine trying to get some work down for a client but your boss keeps holding you back because he's either losing money from overspending his bank account, losing documents left and right, or breaking his computer or cell phone in ways I can't even imagine possible. I feel sorry for the clients who have to do buisness with this local company because there's always constant delays to payments and deliveries. You can't be doing this shit in an age where people are spoiled with fast, no bullshit deliveries like those from Amazon. Slow buisness wouldn't be so bad in something like a small town with a very homogenous and close commmunity but in a suburb or urban locale, you can't be waisitg time. I can't stand hearing his ringtone going off over and over because he keeps getting calls from clients that have been waiitng and waiting for their orders to go through and then they just go on and on about irrelavant topics instead of just focusing on getting buisness done. I'm not sure how much I can put up with this and honestly, I've seen fast food chains work more efficently and smoothly than this place.

More shotshow news. Apparently PSA is bringing back that dead in the water project from many years ago when InRangeTV/Forgotten Weapons were shilling pre-orders for a STG-44 remake that never went into production and there was a whole heap of drama surrounding the original company years ago because of that. Well now, PSA sort of bought them out or something like that and it seems like now they have the facilities to produce them in massive quantities now. They'll come in all kinds of calibers from the original 7.92×33mm Kurz to more modern calibers like 5.56×45mm, 7.62x39mm, and even that .300 blackout meme cartridge. It's supposed to come out this year and I'm very interested considering PSA's products tend to not be very expensive to began with but it's probably a smarter idea to just wait for the 3rd generation of the rifle like everything else PSA does as that tends to be the point where they fix all of the quirks of making a new rifle from scratch. Oh and apparently Bersa is making ARs now which is insane to think about. I love my Bersa Thunder 380 and just thinking about having a Bersa AR lower or something like that for one of my ARs would be kind of silly but intriguing. High Point YC9 isn't going to be out anytime soon but the 10mm that I mentioned earlier will be coming up around the corner for sure. Last but not least, Henry is making a Fudd 9mm Semi-auto rifle that takes Glock Magazines (along with conversions for SIG and Smith and Wesson mags too). Maybe it's the inner Fudd in me but I kind of like the way it looks (More so than that Ruger PC carbine) especially because it has some really nice wood furniture. It's not going to be cheap but around $1000 more or less, it's honestly on the lower price point when it comes to pistol caliber carbines. Ruger is still the cheapest at around $500-$700 depending on configuration. I like the concept to be fair. A traditional rifle with the capabilites of a modern rifle. I just like it.

Still have to work on my first chapter of my story. I made a musical piece to accompy it but that's also so-so. I don't tend to have a lot of energy around this time as it's usually right after I do my daily jogs in the afternoon and I fall asleep right after making a blog post or a little more. I'm also doing something extra with my tarantula's enclosure lately too. I'm breeding springtails (hopefully) and might pick up some isopods to incorporate into some kind of semi-bioactive thing I'm trying to do for my roach bin and my tarantula enclosure. Can't really do it for my Hognose Snake as the husbandry for that snake is not suitable for the springtails and isopods I want to raise.

January 16, 2023: Tongue Pain, Shitshow 2023, and Potentially a New Idea

I can't believe I fell apart so early at the start of the year. I was hoping I wouldn't be incapacitated like last year but thanks to my terrible luck, I got steamrolled again by pain and suffering. Not in the edgy sense either but more so from my own stupidity. Case point, I accidentally chomped on my tongue earlier this month and ended up having really bad pain on my tongue for a week. I couldn't talk or eat right and tried all sorts of remedies like salt water, mouth wash and nothing seemed to be working until I finally got my medicine. I'm barely feeling better now as the wound is starting to heal but yeah, I'm never eating hard crunchy food again. I prefer softer foods anyways.

It's that time of year again, Shotshow 2023. The Gun Nerd's E3 and well....I know it's the first day so far so I haven't heard much yet but I'm kind of disappointed so far. Especially with Beretta. I was so excited when I heard they were going to bring back the Cheetah (I have the Model 81 in .32 ACP and it's a joy to shoot). The idea being that I can have another one in .380 ACP that I can interchange parts with my Model 81 and swap the .32 ACP barrel with the .380 one and have a modernized Cheetah that I can conceal carry while I leave the nicer collectable one back home. Well all of my interest went out the window when Beretta stated that it won't use the original Cheetah magazines. Something about new feed ramps for hollow points. But the gun itself...maybe it's just the golden bronze color scheme (that looks more like FDE than anything) is kind of ugly. Esepcially with that rail underneath the barrel. Normally I don't mind rails like that but on the new Cheetah...it's just.....yeah...not my thing. It's a compact Beretta so...I don't see why it would even have one as all it's doing is adding more bulk. Usually the rails are for flashlights which are better suited as a bedside gun in my opinion rather than a carry pistol. Oh and it has an optic cut too which isn't necessarily a bad thing but man does it look kind of ugly on the slide. It doesn't even come with optic plates which is inexcusable. You have to wait for third parties to release their own just for the Cheetah which is even more bullshit when you finally realize the MSRP they are asking for this "High-End Pistol" $700-$1000. You're joking right? It doesn't even have that classy look like Berettas are known for. What a huge let down from Beretta. I also heard some very troubling accounts about their customer support lately too. Particularly when it comes to their APX Carry line of pistols which have been popping up around retailers for as low as $300. The APX line is basically a Beretta Glock but with it's own properitary magazine and maybe a slighly nicer trigger. It seems like the company is running into some problems lately which kind of sucks because Beretta is one of my favorite firearm companies. I love all of their pistols, even their quirky ones like the 9000 series and the PX4 Storm.

On the other hand. I'm kind of excited for Hi Point's new 10mm Ghetto blaster. I know Hi Point isn't exactly a high end brand and even hood niggas will mock you for buying a high point but that 10mm....it's so....sex. I mean, there aren't that many 10mm pistols out there but they are starting to become more trendy these days and that high point pistol in 10mm is the cheapest one you can get in that caliber (Sub $250 from what I heard). Plus it looks like some bizzare cyberpunk hand cannon and it looks so huge even for people with large hands...I just have to get my hands on one...but I'll wait for some people to beta test it because if there's one thing I learned from Glock owners is that 10mm handguns have a tendency to become involuntary hand grenades. I don't want to perma-ruin my fapping opportunities.

On another note. I have been thinking of another creative writing idea. One that sort of takes my life stories and experiences and puts it into something that's fictional but kind of a "what if" case for my own life. Basically, I want to do something along the lines of a self help kind of story but with a narrative plot and without the shitty "Just go up and hit on her bro." crap that pickup artists tend to talk about in their lectures and books. I want to do something along the lines of "Welcome to the NHK" but for lonelyness rather than NEETdom. I would vaguely use my own life's stories (especially those from this website) and add some creative stuff to them to make them different but more relavant to the plot of this story. The main character for instance would be losely based on myself and the other protagonist would be losely based on my crush from school but with different names, appearances, and some personality changes so that it's not completly identical or recognizable. The premise of this story is sort of something along the lines of the main character overcoming his lonelyness and anxieties with the help of this girl by going through exposure therapy sessions in public witht help of his high school friend/crush while trying to overcome regrets in his past and personal demons with his self esteem. I sort of thought of the idea while I was laying in bed from all the pain I had from my tongue injury. I was honestly begging for some kind of emotional support while I was in agonizing pain...like I wanted my crush to stand by me and tell me things were going to be okay. I wanted an angel to put it bluntly and yeah I know it's pathetic to call someone like my old crush as something like that when I haven't even seen her in years but suffering from pain or isolation tends to do that you. I feel like writing this sort of story would kind of be benefitial to those having that sort of feeling too I think. Even though I am working on getting myself out there and moving on from thinking about the past and my crush.

I was at the groceries earlier today and one of the female employees working there smiled at me at one the aisle smiled at me and even told me Good Morning. I returned the greeting and kind of felt really good that morning. She was kind of cute too, but I didn't really get to say anything else to her because I was kind of in a hurry as I had to go to work right after. I think I might not be entirely hopeless just yet.

January 2, 2023: Year of Redemptions?

Is that Haruhi up there? Anyways, I'm starting off the New Year on a better foot than last time. I finally went to Church yesterday after years of being out of it for so long. I'm not sure how I feel about it so far. I don't have that religious revival inside me that I was expecting but I assuming that's going to take some time like everything else in my life. I'll keep going on Sundays since I started again. Speaking of revivals, I"d had come to good terms with my mom around the end of December of last year so I'm no longer on her bad side anymore (for now) since I pretty much admitted that I was at fault for all the troubles I went through with school and my social life. So I guess that's nice to start off the new year with a better than clean slate. Sadly, I haven't seen any girls that aren't middle age or older on my first day. It was a Sunday after New Years so I assumed everyone was all sleepy. I didn't even pay attention or stay up late on New Years eve, I just fell asleep at 9pm and didn't even hear the fireworks.

I don't want to seem like I'm optimistic because I'm not convinced that things will get better overall but I have determination to "end my love quest ha ha" this year. Otherwise...yeah I don't have much to complain or say anymore right now because I'm mostly fine...well I am currently looking for another job at the moment. Something that'll give me more exposure to people my age instead of abestosed ridden boomers. What are 30 year olds even doing these days? Specifically the ones that messed up in college like I did. Whatever. It's been warm too. So much for that "MOTHER OF ALL WINTER STORMS". Other than that, I do feel like this is the year where I can finally make that final turn around and get myself back into normalcy like everyone else with a life. Hopefully I can stop being a freak of nature and become the "just like them" kind of guy I always wanted to be in my school days but couldn't because of my social anxiety. We'll see. (Please don't let me get sick again like last year....I'm begging you.)